Tuesday, November 9, 2010


Being me in a crowded space is a lot like being a clumsy person in a minefield. Except not really because on a scale of one to ten where ten is probable death and one is possible bruising then minefields are probably closer to ten and crowded spaces could be anywhere in between. Also, the probable death waiting in a minefield doesn't really have a lot to do with being clumsy so much as it does the arsehole nature of the person that put them there. So it's more like being a clumsy person in a crowded space. I'm clumsy is what I'm saying, and being in a crowded space is, for me, like being in a minefield if minefields were less deadly.

I went to a wedding earlier in the year and about a minute after a friend commented on the women having trouble with their stilettos on the uneven ground and how I should be fine because my heels were thicker, I managed to step into a clearly visible hole and only managed to not fall over because I do that kind of thing a lot and consequently I'm always subconsciously prepared to catch myself.
Not that I always do. Recently I fell over at work because the soles of my boots were slippery and the floor is concrete and because, you know, the clumsy thing. I skinned my knee and elbow and ended up resembling an overgrown five year old.

There is a particular door at my work that I sometimes struggle to open because not only am I clumsy but I also, for some reason known to no one, often try to open it by placing the handle between my first and second fingers as though someone has cut off my thumb and left only a holographic image in its place. It still looks like it's there, but clearly it can't actually grab anything since it's just an image of a thumb and not an actual thumb.

Anyway, this is a representation of the room where I do the filing (I was originally going to take an actual photo but posting that without first securing the agreement of my boss seemed a less than brilliant idea).

Now I don't want to make assumptions about your observational skills but you can probably see how that might be a problem for someone as clumsy as me. Still probably less dangerous than a minefield though.

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